We’re BACK

By Camila Abisambra

Hello all,

It’s been a while since we’ve been around. I’m so sorry about that but you know, life got in the way -much like Adele-. Not that we’re comparable to her greatness but I do think she’s right in that sometimes it’s good to take a step back and reprioritize. That’s exactly what we’ve all been up to. We got busy living and now we want to get back to sharing the things we’ve done, seen, felt, and because, simply put, we missed you. Sometimes it’s easy to take for granted a space to call your own. It’s easy to think that anywhere you go you’ll get the privilege of speaking your mind and being honest to yourself, but alas, that is not how life goes sometimes.

So now we’re here, recommitted to bring you all the articles that come straight from our hearts and minds, and in the hopes that you’ll appreciate the honesty.

Without further ado, it’s time to get back to it.

What it feels like for (a non native speaking) girl

By Daniela Serrano

As you may or may not recall from past posts, I now find myself living in the quite wonderful city of Boston. I’ve been here for almost four weeks now, but only two of those have been actually living alone. Not completely alone, I have two adorable roommates (shout out!), but you get my point. Now, confession time: all through my application process and right up to the point where my parents drove away I had been supremely confident (read: cocky) about my ease with the english language. I’ve known english ever since I can remember, I write it, I read it, I spanglish it, but for the past ten years I have never had to speak it for more than five minutes. So I was sadly surprised to find myself struggling so hard, sometimes, with it. After much commute thinking about it I think I’ve found the best way to describe how it feels and I will share it with you because maybe some of you are in the same position or maybe you have friends who are struggling with words as well, and this might help, or not, but it can’t hurt.

First, what personally bothers me the most about this loss of words is not so much not being able to get things done but this feeling that when speaking english I’m only able to show a tiny portion of myself as opposed to Spanish where the whole of the language is available to me to communicate with people in a manner that is truthful to my character.

Sure it’s not incapacitating and most certainly there are worst things that can happen to a person, but it is terribly frustrating

And because my commutes are really very long (ugh the Green Line is the worst amirite?) here is a dandy metaphor so you can better picture my frustration.

Imagine you’ve always had in your room two sets of shelves, one is really high and has a bunch of cool stuff and toys and books and sugar and spices and everything nice, and the other one is much lower and it has some books, some coloring paper, a couple of black pencils, all practical but kinda boring things. Since you’ve always been able to reach the higher shelf, the one that you like best because it’s so much more interesting, the stuff on the lower one has just been gathering dust for a while (like that penguin in Toy Story.) To me, and probably to some, not being fluent in a language is as if one day you woke up and had shrunk.

 

 

And you stretch and stand on your tiptoes, but just can not reach that damn shelf, so, because one has to keep on living, you start getting by with the things on that lower shelf. But being forced to use the less fun things wouldn’t be so bad if you didn’t know just how much more fun things were at the top shelf. So maybe you don’t crack the jokes you usually would’ve or stop yourself from participating in a conversation because the thought of having to translate, pronounce and possibly have to explain everything you say is so draining. And that, my friends, can get really upsetting really fast.

Now for the good news. YAY! Speaking a new language is a muscle, not technically but whatever, and like any muscle it has to get sore and worked out before it can look “Jane Fonda” great. So, as I sit here, deeper and deeper in my grad school assignments and life I can honestly say that I feel myself getting more comfortable with the language everyday, and that maybe the stuff on the top shelf is not irreparably lost, I just have to stretch a bit harder.

Now please tell me your own struggles with this type of thing so I don’t feel like the only loser who thinks about this on the train.

 

The Great Male Renunciation?

By Camila Abisambra

A lot has been said about female fashion. In fact, it’s gotten to a point where you associate fashion with feminine and it’s an exception to think about it in any other way. In fact, little to no attention is paid to the style of men. Despite being in a system where masculinity is privileged, it seems this is an area where they have no input and where masculinity is regarded as bland, boring and uniform. This has been called the ‘male renunciation’. Somewhere in the XIX Century men decided to renunciate their right to be fashionable in favor of a uniform look.

BFF Style

By Camila Abisambra

Since I’m feeling the love for all my friends this week, I thought Sunday was the perfect opportunity to fawn upon my favorite best friends in the world. The matching jacket girls who are clearly killing it in the friendship department. From Alexa Chung to Poppy Delevingne, there’s no better look on you than your BFF.

Tinder Taught Us Nothing

By Juanita Navarro & Daniela Serrano

By this point in time everyone and their mothers have heard of Tinder. In Latin America, though, its popularity is somewhat lukewarm. But sometimes, by means of Camila and Hilary Duff, we hear of successful stories: dude was not a murderer and was actually a fun date. Out of unadulterated curiosity, and without even planning it, Juanita and I downloaded the app the same weekend. And we decided to make an experiment out of it, doing it for the story and such. Just so you know, Juanita and I are two of the most socially awkward people that have ever roamed this earth.

I’m crazy about guidelines and instructions (and Juanita is far too over indulgent with me) so we came up with a set of rules that would direct our actions on the app.

Rules:

1. First week we have to like at least five people.
2. We have to respond to anyone that talks to us.
3. Third week we have to initiate a conversation with someone.

During the weeks we actively tried it we found out many things, mainly that we have no idea how miles work and that if we had had no outside help we’d still be swiping for underage guys from all over the continent. But, to better illustrate our blunders into this thing people call “online dating”, we will each give you our sides of the experience.

What was your criteria for swiping right?

Juanita Navarro: My “type” usually is geeky, longhaired guys, preferably with glasses. Sadly, that demographic either has no interest on Tinder or is comprised of guys outside of the geographic and age ranges that I established. So, once I got over the irrational fear of swiping right (what if he swiped right for me too? NOTHING, the answer to that question is nothing) I went for the next best thing in matters of alternative guys, which turned out to be tattooed hipser-ish graphic designers… I’m not kidding, they were all graphic designers. Also on my good list were adorkable (yes, Daniela, that’s a word) guys with big glasses. Since I took the time to fill out a description (a very random one) I also took notice of people with descriptions, because here in Colombia everybody seems to hate descriptions. Once I lost the shame, I went all right for the surfer Thor-like Australian and European foreigners that sometimes showed up. Lucky me, one of them was drunk enough (I assume) and swiped right for me too, and now that Australian Thor likes my face I can die peacefully.

I must add that I left the option open for guys and girls, even though I’ve never been in a relationship with a girl because I thought: why the hell not? I’ve been attracted to girls before. However, I ended up just swiping right for one girl, because… *see next question*.

Daniela Serrano: First of all I have to say that i thought that I’d have more chill with Tinder, but since I downloaded it, it didn’t feel quite comfortable for me. It took me a while to actually figure out how it worked, you know, that there were more pictures and information and stuff, but this is just me being a technology dummy. It felt so strange to scroll through a catalogue of guys, but on the cases I swiped right it was because I found the guy mildly cute (there is no point in trying to be deep in Tinder), sometimes it turned out we had interesting interests in common, or that he had a cute dog (I would swipe more for dogs that for their owners). I would also have mini panic attacks every time Tinder asked me “Do you like Whatshisface?” when I swiped right: How should I know if I like him Tinder?!!, I just saw his picture, stop asking stupid questions!!

Who did you talk to/ did you two hit it off?

JN: The first person to swipe right for me was a girl. She was cute, had a detailed AND interesting description and was really upfront and said hi that same day (the few boys that said ‘hi’ took ages to make that first contact). However, I wasn’t able to hold a conversation with her because, apparently, there is some important language semiotics when flirting with girls that I was not aware of (Daniela, who, I think, has never flirted with a girl was aware of those codes. How? Where was I when the memo was sent? Did everybody assume that I knew how to do it because I went to an all-girl school?). I’m exaggerating, of course, because it wasn’t that big of a deal, it was just that I felt that she was being distant with me (she wasn’t… semiotics) and because I was having a rough week (finishing my last semester at college) I felt attacked and left it there.

Damn me, because she really seemed nice and smart.

As for the boys, I answered two guys that had said ‘hello’ with a Simpsons quote. One of them (funny enough, an adorkable longhaired dude) got it, so I kept talking with him, but it never lead to anything, we were both there just to see what was the fuzz with Tinder and that was it. He actually was there in the hopes of making FRIENDS, and apparently had accomplished that goal, so go him.

DS: As I said, I have no chill and no game so there weren’t that many conversations. I talked to a guy who was nice enough but who kept on stretching the conversation even though it was evident that there was no chemistry there; fun fact: he turned out to be from a small town in Argentina where I lived when I was little.

There was this guy, completely underage and I had no interest in him but accidentally swiped him (this accidental swiping happens a lot). He started talking to me, but that went nowhere, fast.

Did it get easier?

JN: First, let me say that back on the day (that’s the MySpace day) I had all the Internet game in the world. I even got my first boyfriend (with whom I had a 2+ year long relationship) via MySpace, ok? It was my thing… or something.

Now, to answer the question… NO IT DID NOT! And because of what I just said, I’m just going to blame it on a newly developed social ineptitude, as I cross my arms in denial.

DS: Kinda, not really, maybe.

Were you worried about anything?

JN: I was really worried about being recognised on the streets. After a while I didn’t care if people I knew saw me on Tinder, I mean, we were both there, but whenever I took the bus or something I was a bit wary that some random stranger would come up to me and be like say: “Hey! I swiped right/we liked each other on Tinder!” Because serial killers, but most of all, because awkward.

DS: I didn’t actually go on any dates, and to be honest, I don’t know if with my poor nerves I would have actually gone out with a stranger found in an app. But in case I did, I suppose the biggest fear would be, you know, being murdered.

Weird/fun stories?

JN: Some guy swiped right, and because he thought it was taking me too long to like him back he went on and tracked me on Facebook and messaged me. Wtf?

DS: there was this one guy I tried talking to. I thought i was being funny and prompting conversation, but he felt incredibly attacked about me asking about his favorite movies and decided that I was testing him and that I was uppity and judgemental. That also went nowhere, even faster.

What did you learn?

JN: I lost my Internet game and now I will have to be like the aunts from Practical Magic, which sounds like a really great life plan.

But no, really what I learnt was:

*I think that nothing happened because I had my head somewhere else and didn’t want for anything to happen. Maybe Daniela and I didn’t end up with dates because we actually didn’t want to, had we wanted, the world could be ours, but Netflix.

*Tinder is very PG13 here in Colombia, and was half disappointed, to be honest.

*Even though this is a rather conservative country, there was a fair amount of people swiping right for my Empress of Darkness picture, even with the description that stated that I was learning about X-Men and listening to an 80’s Mexican girl band (that’s literally all it said).

*After a while, you realise that it is not that big of a deal when someone likes your face. Just like you are using Tinder for the lols, those people are too. So, yeah, uplifting, right?

DS: being a little bit serious, I found out that although interacting with people in real life is very freaking hard for me, it was an even bigger challenge trying it online. I realize that it doesn’t make much sense, since the “anonymity” and “distance” that online things give should make you feel freer to say and do whatever you want. The thing is that when talking to people, I turn a lot to the visual and physical cues people give to see if I’m being rude or pushy, funny or whatever. And it really throws me off to not know how the other person reacts. Or maybe i just wasn’t meant for online dating. It’ll be a mystery.

Also, that dick picks are no where as ubiquitous as the internet had me believe (thank god.)

To whom would you recommend Tinder?

JN: Anyone with a sense of humor will make something interesting out of Tinder.

DS: Anyone. Just maybe not me right now.

 

Support Systems

https://instagram.com/p/5s2Wz6L0pO/?taken-by=camila_abisambra

By Camila Abisambra

When I was growing up I remember being boy crazy. I don’t think any words could capture how boy crazy I used to be. I used to obsess over boys liking me. And they rarely did, until they did. I will often joke that was the beginning of the end for me because it was. My relationship experience have left me a very jaded person. Fact: I had to be talked out of a very unwise Joy Division tattoo by my best friend who, the eternal optimist she is, believes I will find love one day. The fact is, my relationships have been chaotic at best and monstrous dark holes where my sanity and happiness have been sucked into. Love, friends, is unwise until you’re old enough to understand what it actually is, but alas, it’s one of those things you can’t warn people about because it must be lived and experiences or something.

Mick

By Camila Abisambra

As I struggle with actually doing things, my mind plays the escape game and takes me to dream of fabulous people in fabulous days. To me there was never anyone more fabulous -and most likely never will be- than Mick Jagger. I understand opinions are divided and there are the faithful Keith followers but from his incredible style to his vocals to the fact the man is still rocking stages like nobody’s business, Mick has my heart. So this Sunday, let’s daydream about the man who is rock n’ roll, the legend, the icon: Mick Jagger. Also, if anyone wants to talk to me about how amazing that performance in Glasto 2013 was, I’m always available to talk about that.

Growing Up

By Camila Abisambra

My friend told me Mercury is in retrograde yesterday and even though I’ve always believed astrology cannot be real, I believe her. I don’t know what forces conspired this week to make it the most overwhelming this year. It must be that Mercury is in retrograde, or at least that’s what I like to think because the other alternative is far too scary but alas, the most likely. Walk The Moon has a beautiful song called ‘Portugal’ in which they say: “Growing up is a heavy leaf to turn” and I couldn’t agree more. So when I talk about the other alternative, I mean, I’m overwhelmed because I’m growing up and unlike everyone else around me, I seem to not have a grip on it. In fact, every time I look around me I see so many people getting it together and not making second grade mistakes.

When Everything Goes Wrong

By Gabriela Santamaria

Recently I had an awful weekend. Not bad, not difficult, not a struggle. God-damn-fucking-awful. My mom and I had to travel to Cali (a city in Colombia) to the wedding of one of my cousins and we decided that since it was only for two days it wasn’t worth traveling by plane. First mistake in a series of unfortunate events. The day of departure arrived and we boarded our bus, filled with hope. It started out alright, a little traffic jam in the outskirts of the city but nothing out of the ordinary. Four hours later in the middle of nowhere the bus stops, we assumed that it had something to do with maintenance so we paid no attention to it. One hour passed, two hours passed, three hours passed. Night has fallen and we were parked with what seemed no intention of moving forward. The busdriver who had been absent all that time came back and said: “there was an accident on the road, I don’t know how long we might have to stay here”. And for 22 hours we continued to drive slowly for one or two hours and then park for three or four more.

Needless to say we did not make it to the wedding. My mom and I arrived to the Cali an hour after the wedding had started, but before we could get there we needed to get to our hotel and change. Except we had lost the reservation and they were really reluctant to give us a room for just one night. By that point I was hungry, dirty, exhausted and sad. You see whilst I waited in the bus from hell I remembered that that very same day the results for a scholarship I was applying to would come out.

I killed myself working on that application. The essays were corrected hundreds of times, I practiced my interview with an ex recipient of the same grant, I polished every single answer to perfection. And after all that hard work nothing had come through. I was not selected. I was literally stuck with no positive ending in sight.

So when the hotel managers found one empty suite I thought “thank God, the universe is giving me a break”. Or not. Because when we got there it turned out the bathroom was broken and it flooded. Oh joy. And that was it, I couldn’t take it anymore because I just needed something to go alright. ANYTHING. So I started crying and crying and crying. It was like something had broken in me, nothing was stopping me from feeling so pathetic and defeated.So small.

Now there is something that you need to understand: my mom is the greatest human being ever. Like EVER. She’s like Mary Poppins becoming a Time Lord. She is an ice cream on a hot summer day. She is the human equivalent to finding a hundred dollar bill in your pocket. So she held me and let me cry and said to me: “Sometimes things go wrong, every single thing. But we do what we can with what we have. Doing our best is all we can do. So what if we don’t get to the wedding on time? We will get there as soon as we can and if the people we love also love us back, they will understand. Some days just getting through is a victory”.

And she is right, because even though the weekend was grueling I felt accomplished. I had less that 12 hours in Cali to rest and sight see, I didn’t get the chance to visit a close friend of mine that I had wanted to see, I didn’t get the scholarship and I was back in the bus from hell in less than a day. But I didn’t stop. I went to my cousin’s wedding, I ate delicious food, I managed to organize my 12 hours so I could see the city’s zoo and main museum, I spent time with my mom, I lived.

Life is hard, and easy, and cruel, and kind, and wondrous, and educational, and inspiring, and depressing. All at the same time. And I don’t know why that is, I probably never will. The universe just is the way it is and I am but a small speck of stardust in the infinity of existence. But what I learned from that weekend is I DON’T CARE WHY IT IS LIKE THAT. I’m alive. Whether I like what happens or not, regardless of the troubles and blessings, I AM ALIVE. I have a chance to make the most of an awful situation, to learn, to love, to laugh, to eat, to dance, whatever. I get to do my best and live without regrets. And that is so much more important and inspiring than the whys. So go on, try picking yourself up when it’s the hardest and take a shot at doing the best you can. Whatever that may be, because sometimes just getting through a day is a victory.

Honor your Word

By Diego B

 

I’m in a long distance relationship, and I like it.

No, it isn’t easy at all, but it will stay like this for the present semester; she will be back in January. And somehow we are making it work, that’s why our first decision was to break up officially. It doesn’t sound logical at all, right? Now I’m single but deeply in love with an amazing woman, and we still stay in touch but we don’t want to make the things between us to feel like an obligation. That’s boring.

It wasn’t nice at the very beginning, and I was a crazy when I went to the airport to say goodbye. I tried no to cry in front of her, but when she left I couldn’t talk.

Also, we are free: we are able to see someone else if we want to without cheating, or make out with anyone else. The deal is to tell each other if we do it because if we want to be together again we need to trust each other and there’s no way to predict how we will react, but we have a plan. Some say that life is what happens while we’re busy making plans.

As she’s in London we have a 6 hour time difference, so I text her when I go to sleep and then she replies. It’s nice to have messages in the morning from the person you love. But we are not talking 24/7. That’s boring too. We like to have our time and respect each other space. Therefore at the end of the week we have a lot of stories and nice things to talk about. I have to thank Apple for an awesome invention: Face Time.

What I like the most about being in the other side of the Atlantic Ocean is that I have the chance to continue flirting with her (without being awkward). I like to tell her how pretty she is, that she is one of the smartest people I have ever met (it’s true) and that she makes me happy. For me it keeps the relationship fresh while we are far away, it’s nice to receive funny voice notes and WhatsApp messages. Sometimes those little things make my day.

There’s a saying that goes: the Devil is in the details but maybe God and love are in the details too and maybe all it takes to make a relationship work is the little things no matter how far we are from each other.